CBC was great and pretty much any trip this summer was great. I find it kinda funny how while I was gone or whenever I am not distracted with all these "plug-ins" of technology that I come up with the real philosophical ideas and questions that I'd like to post/blog about. Whenever I am near my computer or at home I tend to do something else instead.
Well the best part of going out east this year was the great joy of spending time with ALL of my family on my mother's side of the family (even if it was only a little bit a time). I miss the Collins, the Duhaimes, & Nona/Papa sooooooo much; they are awesome. I'm happy that uncle Andy, aunt Val, Abby, and Tim live so nearby because they are always super amazing. But yeah, I'm not going to blog about the whole experience, but it was amazing to simply hug all of them. I'll have to thank them for the incredible hospitality (you would have thought I was royalty)!
So while trying to think of all of the things that popped into my head over the last couple weeks (if not earlier)...I am trying to think about what they were, why they were important, and which ones I do want to share. I believe women was one of the topics...something about the world which was sparked by watching the Olympics...and guess a rant about the world with a flavor of cynicism blended with idealism should be good.
Ah women. You know at one point in my life women were simple (yes. simple.); I could understand what they needed and felt, I was the compassionate understanding romantic that every girl dreams of. But like some awful cliche I realized that maybe I had the right tools for luring, but not catching. Was this problem my fault? Or was it theirs? I used to think it was theirs, but then I thought it was mine. Turns out...it was both of us. I practically placed my sweethearts into a fairy tale and maybe I focused too much on romance than other things and maybe came off as a "player" or something similar; one thing for sure was that I never fully understood Love nor commitment (I had an idea of the latter, definitely more so than most at my age...but not enough). For those I dated in my earlier years it was mostly lack of commitment; usually they seemed "madly in love" with me but then within a few months they got sick of me or whatever and broke it off without knowing really why.
Commitment is something most high schoolers and younger usually can't grasp or master; this is why I think most relationships prior to late teens almost never works out. But anyway, the last couple of ladies that I had my eye on are interesting stories...mostly the first.
One was someone who I had liked for years, but having earlier relationship scars I struggled with the risk of being hurt. After an amazing night of just talking and them falling asleep on my shoulder the moment we shared was nothing shy of beautiful. We shared a few other moments (at least one more all nighter) and we never did anything promiscuous, just enjoyed being together (at least I did, can't fully speak for her). We never even really had to talk to enjoy each others company. I did a lot of hinting and flirting and would get a similar response most of the time...but not always. As time went on, things seemed to start to change; she seemed less and less interested and practically disappeared... I thought maybe we don't have enough in common? But now...looking back on it...I think she was sick of waiting for me to step it up and confess my feelings instead of just hinting. I always felt it wouldn't work out at that time anyway because of space (meant to be ambiguous); however I figured there would be future potential. Anyway...after what seemed to be a silent "no thank you" I figured time to call it quits...it took about a year afterwards to "get over her" in a romantic light, but we're friends now and I love her all the same; sometimes I wish for more, but I've learned to not pursuit something that doesn't want to be caught. She seems very happy in her current life situation and I'm pleased that she has that happiness; I wish the best for her, forever.
The second woman was a good friend of mine for years and once I got over the previously mentioned lady I started to see her as a potential partner (I think being friends makes a great foundation anyway), we started to get closer and while we weren't far along that path at all really I was looking down it. Anyway, shortly after a really nice gesture by her which seemed like a confirmation of my thoughts, she ended up hooking up with someone else and she too is now taken.
I started off thinking girls wanted to be treated like princesses, but then saw what seemed like they'd rather be treated like trophies and crap...but then realized how awfully confused I was and now I just don't know. I suppose it varies (as everyone is different), but my romances have lived true to the "good listener" "comforter" & "friend" of the women I'd liked. I've lived/felt the cliche of "the nice guy finishes last" and it sucks. But I've learned to deal with it and now I'm kind of sick of being the pursuer and would rather do what is more like me anyway...that's be caught. Why should I have to be the one to put myself out on a ledge? I've been there before, I've fallen, it sucks I don't want to do it again...but maybe I have to suck it up and just do it. Maybe my problem is my female preference? I always seem drawn to the shy/quiet girls...so they aren't aggressive enough to put themselves out there...I dunno. I've been looking for a nice, quiet/shy, christian, (brunette usually) gal for a while now...maybe I should look for something else...I dunno...I've made the decision not to worry about it, especially since I haven't even established a career yet. I guess if someone is interested I just hope they'd let me know...Women are confusing, yet simple...just like I am. I live a simple life with simple goals, but my mind is a confusing world of paradoxes.
Anyway, I guess I'll just leave this blog at that and save the more mental contradictions and ramblings for later in the week (the olympics & cynical idealistic stuff). I gotta get ready for school and a bash at my house labor day weekend. I'll be (finally) getting my driver's license thursday and then hanging out with a pal at the pub for the night. I start school in pretty much one week *gasp* I look forward to it.
Yeah, well, I turn 21 tomorrow (oh noes teh adulthood), and the title was how long ago I was born (from when I started the blog). I've lived a pretty sweet life, I'd say easily 9/10; I had family that loved me, a gift of empathy and a laid-back personality, I haven't had to take on much responsibility, I never had to worry about money or basic needs; life is good, God is good.
Thanks for caring/reading. Peace!
Monday, August 18, 2008
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